But I was one of the Hardy Boys, this mystery wouldn’t be inexplicable at all, it would be solved on page 212.
Here’s my true, almost Halloween mystery story, which took place Monday night.
At about 4:25 am, I was suddenly awakened from a deep, dream filled sleep by a loud noise. As so often happens, by the time I awoke and sat up, the noise had diminished to the point of being a vibration or a reverberation. So I just sat there trying to figure out what it was. I finally figured that it must have been my stomach gurgling, because before bed I had eaten everything in my house, to include, kosher dill pickles, chocolate cake, beets, three day old lasagna and meatball casserole. (I was still hungry from the Night Out, where I was too busy to eat...yeah, right.)
Okay, I had decided that the commotion was internal, and hence the origin of the gases in the title of this mystery story, when I saw the first flash. Was it lightning? Then I saw the second flash. Was it the end of the world or an atomic explosion far away in Iran? Whatever it was, it was connected to the noise, because I could distinctly hear simultaneous clicks, so out went the bad stomach explanation.
I jumped out of bed and began to turn on all the lights inside and outside the house to scare away whatever burglar, masked murderer or leftover Halloween goblin that was clearly out there.
I also grabbed my civil defense arsenal, which consists of a very weak flashlight with a broken glass and a nine-iron. Then, after a few minutes anxiously awaiting the door to come flying open, I decided that I would put on my robe, in case I was found dead the next morning and I wouldn’t be too “embarrassed” if you get the play on words.
Nothing happened. Which didn’t exactly disappoint, I can tell you.
But still, there was that mystery of what exactly was going on. I finally opened the doors and peaked outside. Nothing. No lightning. No prowlers. None of the feral dogs that use my secluded backyard as their own terrorist training camp.
Speaking of dogs, none of the neighbors’ dogs were barking. Hmmm, that only deepened the mystery because the dogs will howl at a fallen pine needle—ordinarily. So this mystery was clearly out of the ordinary.
Okay, by now I was as scared as I was curious. So I sat down and waited a few minutes. Nothing.
I returned to bed, thinking that I should call the police and let them cruise the neighborhood, but because I wasn’t sure what was going on, I didn’t. Again, I didn’t want to be embarrassed.
I lay there for about five minutes, listening intently to everything, when blink! Another flash of light. Then another. Okay, by now I was no longer scared or curious, I was mad. I jumped up again and threw open the doors and walked outside, armed of course with my 9-iron, but I saw absolutely nothing amiss. No noises, no movements. No flashlights, no atomic blasts, no cigarette lighters. Nothing.
I will try to explain the flashes of lights. They seemed to be light blue colored, like heat lightning. They were quick bursts of energy, and they were accompanied by clicking sounds. But I could not trace them or identify from where they originated. The light surges illuminated an odd section of my bedroom, where street lights or car lights could not have shown without bending. Does light bend?
After walking the castle walls, I saw nothing, could explain nothing and so I returned to bed yet again. As soon as I did, I saw another flash. I tried to analyze it and its source, but I could not. I finally decided that I was just nuts and tried to roll over and go back to sleep. But I was too scared to turn my back on the poltergeist or whatever it was, so I sat up in bed for at least an hour, looking into the darkness and waiting. I finally saw the first light of dawn, and then I burrowed down and went back to sleep.
I got up Tuesday morning, bedraggled and tired, but I bolted outside to look around. Nothing.
And no explanation to this real life mystery.
To be continued tonight? Sure hope not!
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