Mother Nature was much at fault for that little snowball she threw at us last weekend, wasn’t she? Except it really wasn’t a little snowball and except that it wasn’t a snowball at all. It was an icecycle, a big one.

Now we know what Winter is really like and many of us found out why we don’t live up North.

It’s still January...As for me, I do not mind the cold weather now, it’s essential in the cycle of things, after all, and I can always bundle up. After I developed diabetes, I went from a Summer lover and heat tolerater to someone who can no longer deal with the heat and humidity. I completely flip-flopped and now I can deal with the cold better than I can with the heat. Or so I thought.

So, after all those week-long Winter storm warnings, Friday after work I went to the grocery store, fought the mobs, pushed and shoved and grabbed the last gallon of milk from an old woman then dared that little child from getting that last loaf of bread. I was set. Or so I thought.

I went home, turned up the heat, grabbed a few extra quilts and settled in for the duration. That lasted all of five minutes. Then I became stir-crazy and developed a full-blown case of cabin fever.

I was restless. I was bored. I was thinking of things I could do to beat the Winter shut-in blahs.

I looked around. Aha! But after two or three minutes of seriously scraping paint off recently painted windows, even that wonderful exercise in utility and sanity begins to lose its charm, doesn’t it? Then I thought that since I am so good at eating and sleeping, that I could do that. But it turns out that I can only do that well when I am supposed to be doing other things, like working. So that quickly soured.

I tried hanging pictures on recently painted walls. But after one or two thumb hits, I felt like climbing the walls, so the pictures are still on the floor.

Okay, other than the daily crossword (15 minutes, max!) there was nothing of interest inside the house, but somehow, I made it through Friday night. But by Saturday morning, I was completely bonkers. I even thought about calling people on the phone, but I wasn’t that crazy yet. So I decided that I would brave the ice and walk uptown to buy a paper for another crossword puzzle. So I tried to dress for the elements. It is not possible to put on two pairs of socks at the same time. After a mighty struggle, I finally managed to place one sock inside another, sort of. But when I tried putting on the woolen combo it just wouldn’t happen. The inside sock kept getting twisted, like my nerves, and the outer sock wouldn’t pull up all the way to my navel as I had planned. So I had to put on two pairs of socks one pair at a time. On the bright side, that effort did occupy about an hour of my time, so that was good. Then I had to put on several layers of shirts: a t-shirt, a long-sleeved t- shirt, a flannel shirt and then a sweater. Then I covered all that with a thick coat and topped it all off with a scarf (from the Winter Olympics!) that was about a mile long. It completely circled my head, neck and face about twenty-five times. I anyway. Everyone was at home, being sensible and stir-crazy. After I got the copy of the paper, it was lunch time, so I decided that since I was out that I might as well go terrorize someone at a restaurant, if one was to be found open. The Mexican restaurant was open, just barely. All the employees were out front eating. They were the only ones out front eating. I don’t know if they were happy to serve me or wished that I would go get lost in a snowdrift, but after undressing down to a layer that would accommodate sitting, I sat down and ordered. The food was good and was spicy, so that helped thaw me out. But then, afterwards, I had to get dressed all over again, and this time in front of people who were giggling and pointing and and speaking Spanish at me.

I made it back home, but why? There I was, after undressing again, inside the four walls that were slowly creeping in and getting tighter and narrower and more and more unfriendly.

I quickly called a friend and invited him over. Nope. So I called another friend and invited her over. She said no and she wasn’t speaking Spanish either.

I didn’t want to do the crossword, because then what would I have to look forward to? Looking out the window and speaking Spanish?

I read every book that I have. Again. I wrote poetry a la Robert Frost (get the pun? the poetry was worse.) I walked around the house and took stock of all the things that needed to be done, like getting my pictures off the floor, but I knew that I had to save those things until I actually had something else to do, like work.

I do not watch TV, but I have to admit that I did turn it on, and the radio, and the computer. But I was so bored and so cooped up that nothing would do. I finally decided to take a nap. Like my hero, Garfield. With the sofa throw over my head. When I awoke, it was dark, so I ate some more and then went to bed.

Sunday morning, I had to break out of my jail cell, and so I dressed like a mummy and crawled to the car. Thawing it out was fun. I had to use a Teflon coated egg turner or whatever you call it. That, and about 20 minutes of high heat inside the car finally cleared the windows enough for me to drive, and drive I did! All the way to Fayetteville and the flea market on Bragg Boulevard, where I purchased yet another picture, this one of Summer, to take home and to place carefully on the floor. I also ate at the new Chinese restaurant nearby, and slipped and fell twice coming back to the car. Fayetteville people can be terribly cruel and rude, can’t they?

Made it back home and realized that I was actually looking forward to returning to work Monday morning. That was a really sick realization when it came to me. Then it came to me that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t like Winter all that much and that I would be happy to see sweat dripping like a cone of Egyptian fat down my head with the mosquitoes swarming like a poisonous black cloud. Phooey on Winter! I need a daffodil bad!